my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
