it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
