He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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