She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
