Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
