he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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