Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
