i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
