At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
