He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
