Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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