What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
