remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
where are you?
Hypothermia
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
