I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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