omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
