i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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