I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
