It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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