Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
