it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
