so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
