I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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