good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
