I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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