my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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