I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
