That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are all done wearing pants today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
