and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
