I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
