think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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