dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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