Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
