Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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