The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
