I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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