where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
