hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
