He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The beer is more important than you right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
