At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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