Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
