I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
