Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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