I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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