It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I love you. Go after that dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
