About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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