why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
