just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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