apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
