Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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