the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
