maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
