He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
