What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
