I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
