That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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