So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
